I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
