HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
