I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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