There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
