You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
