i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
