i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
