My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
