$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
