Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
