he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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