Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
