My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize