I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
