i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize