and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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