Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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