I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You're so nebulous sometimes
I accidentally burped into my bong.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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