Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
