Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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