So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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