The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
