he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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