Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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