i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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