dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize