Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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