maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
