if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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