Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
