drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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