I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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