No awkward lesbian experiences without me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
