Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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