How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
