You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
