Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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