So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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