Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize