Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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