if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
