I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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