I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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