Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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