Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
