she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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