I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
