There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
