i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
