I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i now understand why vodka
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
