is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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