I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I got chris browned last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
