I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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