Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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