Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize