just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You were trust falling into bushes
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
