i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
