She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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