dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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