first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
