Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
