remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize