both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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