not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
